Friday, March 5, 2010

SWPL - Marathons

For Christmas my sister-in-law and her fiance gave me a calendar entitled 'Stuff White People Like.'  Now typically I am not that person that REALLY likes the message a day type calendars, as usually by January 15th or so I've completely lost interest in it, but this calendar is different.  It's legitimately funny and I can usually find someone to relate each days item to, today it defined me as the item of the day was Marathons.  I have posted the full piece from their web-site, hopefully you can relate too.  I have emphasized the parts most relevant to me.

In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you.  A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth.  To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon.  Not to win, just to run.

White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.

When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).

They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.

If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately.  Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles.  If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players.  It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial.
Happy Friday!

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